They Ripped My Heart Out

27/11/2013...daddy Yellow's birthday 12/11 + mommy's birthday 15/11!

The night before the D-Day, both Yellow and I were dozing in and out of sleep (if I can call that sleeping)! Random thoughts about baba disrupting our sleep...finally the morning came and it was almost time!
Bags packed, we headed to Rhino Park Private Hospital, "check-in" time was 11:30, baby was schedule to join the world at 13:00 !!!

We settled in and the sound of baba's heartbeat filled the room. Yellow and I were still making videos and taking pictures of how we chilled we were...it was about to get real and fast. What seemed like an eternity finally turned to the hour we had been waiting for. The nurses came into the room and wheeled the bed on which I lay, now only wearing that hospital gown where my rear was exposed, to the theatre!

And just like that, my heart rate picked up, I could feel every ounce of calm I had vanish like a thief in the night! Yellow saw the panic in my eye and assured me everything would be ok. He held my hand right up to the point where he had to 'scrub in':'''''D Fear of the unknown really is a funny thing, I had no idea what to expect.

By 13:00 I was strapped to the operating table, arms laid out like Jesus Christ on the cross. The epidural started to kick in, I remember asking for Yellow in German... "Wo ist papa???" I kept repeating!!! And finally he came to me all dressed up, I fell in love with him all over again, just for being there! At this point in time, Dr. Muller had already started but I was in my own world. Then I felt it, well not really but ...there was tugging...and just like that, they ripped my heart out, wrapped it in a blanket and showed it to me...my heart, my Clarissa, mine!
And then they were off, the down side to a C-section I suppose, shrugs. Yellow was recording and taking pictures of everything, how they measured her and cleaned her up. Born at 13:30, weighing in at 3.16kgs, I finally held the goga I shared my body with for 37weeks!

She's gorgeous is all I thought! How can someone so beautiful belong to me and complete my world! The happiness and the morphine had me spiraling, the purest form of joy now belongs to me!

A special thanks to all those who came to see us, bring us gifts and share in our joy! For every congratulatory message we are grateful for our baby is healthy, happy and strong, already lifting her head on day 1!

With this, our new journey begins...Life After Birth:):):):) 

The Waiting Game !!!

Am I glad I'm not elephant!!!! NOT referring to size, LOL, but gestation period....645 days, that's nearly 2 years:/

The past few months have been nothing but a rollercoaster ride, super highs, super lows and in betweens...but like all things, the finish line is fast approaching.
After having an internal conflict with myself, changing my mind every month...the whole "natural VS cesarean" debate, I have finally made up my mind and opted for cesarean...simply because I choose to, that is the choice I feel most comfortable with and so it has been decided. She is due to arrive Wednesday, 27 November 2013, 1pm at Rhino Park (that's if she doesn't decide to surprise us) !!!

After spending 9 months with my home doctor, since he delivered me he was to deliver baba too, but things don't always go according to plan do they *major sigh* thus far he's the only glitch...in an "extreme camping" accident, Dr. Laurie broke his arm and is currently in a cast. Talk about timing huh?! We were then referred to his friend who we saw last week, his aura is welcoming but I'm still fazed by my doctor. At 36 weeks, Clarissa weighs in at 2.9kgs...she already weighs more than I did when I was born...grow baby grow:)

There is not an emotion that I'm not feeling right now, in less than 10 days she will be in my arms, all that's left to do now is to wait!
 In the mean time, I'm putting the past behind me, I feel there's no better time to forgive and forget, if I can't do it, how am I to pass on such teachings to my daughter. Live with an open heart but always keep your guard up too.

Our hospital bags are packed and we are as ready as we could be. Catching up on sleep and series while I still can has been top priority since exams finished. With this, I'd like to extend a special thanks to everyone who has undergone this journey with me, no matter how small or large the contribution, it is appreciated!

And to my Yellow, who has supported me every step of the way, his story is one I'd love to pass on to my son, God willing! I tell you this, it wasn't easy but then again nothing worth having ever is... and here we stand together still, waiting to hold our little bundle of joy!!!

May the count down begin...

My Baby Shower:):):)

I guess you can say my Saturday started off like any other Saturday!

I went to a kiddies party at the zoo with my mom-in-law, and decided to take advantage of my surroundings and study while the children played in the open space! Thereafter, Yellow came to get me so we could have our much favored Wimpy breakfast "WIMPY!!!! Jou lekker breakfast" *singing*
Oh, anyway, then I was to have lunch with my girls Davely and Guilot...so I was dropped off... undisclosed location (hint hint, it's a naughty place) !!! As usual, Davely was "running late" so I thought nothing of it...Guilot even bought the ingredients of the meal she was to prepare for us!
Lo and behold, all my girls were gathered at my house, waiting to surprise me!!!! So Guilot said that Davely was dropped off at my house and that we had to get her and pick up my bikini...and when we went inside... SURPRISE!!!!

There they were, all waiting for me!!!! It really was a touching moment. Overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn't help but shed a tear, so blessed to have these ladies in my life! And the gifts!!! This baby is so sorted and I didn't even buy a thing! Amongst the heaps of baby clothes, nappies, bottles, microwave sanitizer, baby blankets and pacifiers, even Yellow chipped in with the help of my sister and got me the baby gym I so badly wanted for little Clare!
My godchildren came too, of course they just wanted to open all the pressies:) Even my daddy made an appearance and told us a story of when I was younger, thanks for that dad!
 We swam, we talked, the girls drank, and we just had a very relaxed baby shower...I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! Major shout out to everyone who made it happen!

What more can I ask for in this world when I have the gift of great friends, family and my Yellow! I cannot thank everybody enough that made an effort to be there or simply buy something for the little one.

No Paparazzi Please!!!

Hello readers:)

I know, I know...I took my time to get back to writing after our 3rd failed attempt at a 4D ultrasound! Well between working at Nbc, school tests and assignments and two hospital scares (we are both ok!!!! Thank God) ...things have just been a little crazy around me!!!

This time around, I took Beauty with me, to use as my good luck charm...and you know what, it just bought out the little yogi side of Clarissa (who is now nicknamed Clare:)...her foot was in front of her face, so we could get no clear pictures of her beautiful face!!!

We did however, get a few sneak peaks of her, side view only, and the sonographer was kind enough to print them out for us! So that's that, baby Clare has declared 'no paparazzi' and so it shall remain until she graces us with her presence:):):)

She weighs in at 1.6kgs, which is apparently big for her age (currently 29 weeks), showing she's at about 32 weeks now! Please slow your roll sweet child, mommy still has exams to write:/ Yellow and I grow steadily excited as each night her kicks to my ribs and jabs to my bladder, which sometimes hurt by the way, put wide smiles on our faces - he even feels her movements when I put my tummy against his back, I don't think we've ever been this excited before!

And so the waiting continues...+- 73 days to go!!!!

Can you see her face? Yellow says she has my big eyes and my round nose...and that's her little foot in front of her face:):):)  

4D Ultrasound

The long awaited 4D ultrasound...you can only get it between 25-28 weeks...and so I waited, and I'm finally past 25weeks!!! yay

So I called, my excitement brimming over the telephone. Wednesday 11 September, I was told! The morning thereof I was up since 4am, excited like the child on her first day at a new school!

And there we were. The sonographer tells us that there has to be fluid in front of  the baby's face in order for us to get pictures of her...and if she's awake we'll even get to see as she blinks. Mind you on our way to the practice she was awake and kicking...when it was time to take her pictures, missis was fast asleep with her face pressed against her hand, and that pressed against my uterus. So now, there's no fluid in front of her face...and she was sleeping, she also refused to wake up for nothing and nobody!!! Stubborn much? Yellow says from the little that he did see, she has his sister's nose...how cute.

And that's how time ran out for us, I was told to eat chocolate and have some coke when we come again next week (now they tell me!!!) So for those of ya'll planning on getting 4D ultrasounds, know this before you go. Sigh, now it's to wait again before we get to go...we're scheduled in for the 18th, hopefully this time around we will actually get a sneak preview!!!

Keep an eye out for her readers:):):)

Silver lining?

I just read my last blog...and if that was a 'pothole' I have no idea what to call the past few weeks! I am five days away from 7 months, almost reaching the third trimester!!!

I don't know if it's the culmination of hormones, the actions of those I love most around me or just everything meshed together into one big ball of a mess...
It's so hard, I never imagined that I'd feel so low in what is suppose to be 'the happiest time of my life'.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has actually been through this stage, I spoke to a friend of mine who went through similar trials. I've shared so much with my readers, let's take it a step further.

I felt lower than low and alone, like I had absolutely no one left that genuinely cares for me, or this is what it felt like for me. I know I've had the best support system ever, but when the one person that you want and need the most is not there, it feels like the world can end. That's why my respect for single mothers grows more and more each day, how do you do it??? You have to be some kind of super woman!!! So we went through what was the roughest of rough patches in our relationship yet, a true test of 'what is meant to be does not come easy'. Here we stand on the other side of all the BS and what not...eish, it's not easy!!!

I don't want to dwell on the negative so much, I'm trying to avoid all things stressful, but we are emotional beings, baby is at some point to be exposed to these feelings. But like I said before, SEEK HELP if you're drowning in these emotions!!!

Not ALL sunshine and roses!!!

So about two weeks back, I hit what seemed to be the 'pothole' of my pregnancy!!!

I was just feeling, 'bleh':/ My clothes don't fit anymore, my feet and back hurt like hell, I was just feeling lousy and round. The slightest thing set me off, I was a ball of tears...and worst off all, for the most part I had no reason AT ALL! I must admit, it was all overwhelming, that 'shit is real' type of moment!

It didn't matter how much everyone around me was telling me how beautiful I look, how well I'm carrying, how tiny my belly is for 6 months...I was just at a point where I was the fattest and ugliest person on the planet. It didn't help that someone who I used to be close with told me to my face how fat I am and how fat my nose is either...in that moment, she broke me! And I cried and I cried and I cried. If you think I'm exaggerating, ask my sisters and Yellow. It must have been hell week for them!

What I can say now is that to those who have pregnant people around them or in their lives, try to be sensitive, you have no idea what that mommy-to-be is going through at that moment in time! HELLO, of course I will gain weight, and if my nose and feet are swollen, be considerate not to point that out in such a harsh manner, especially not when you've experienced pregnancy yourself!!!

As much as it was a low point in my pregnancy, I really needed that, just to lie curled up in my bed and let all the tears out. Remember though, your emotional state is also transferred to the baby. So if this manic moment in time lasts longer than it's suppose to, get some help, talk to someone or seek professional help!

I'm back to my normally cheery self:):):) removed myself from negative people that are insensitive and just surround myself with friends and family that care for me. Also, I've fallen in love with my baby bump...although I can't wait to get back to my normal regular size again (tae bo galore) !!!

To all those telling me how I beautiful I look and how sexy my tummy is, thank you! It means more than you know:) So proud I stand, baby bump and all:):):):)

Intimacy ... or into me I see!!!

So.....let's talk about sex baby! (after all, that is what got us here in the first place:)

The trying is the 'fun' part...so they say! Trying is stressful!!! All those failed pregnancy tests...every month hoping you're 'late'. At some point you even start to imagine symptoms, 'my boobs are bigger! I've gained so much weight! I feel naar:/'

But eventually, there's light at the end of the tunnel. A tests shows those two lines you've so desperately been waiting to see!!! Now what?!

For me, the first three months were not so ayoba! We experienced morning sickness, so that kinda leaves one feeling 'not so sexy'. But there are other ways to show how much you still love each other...get creative lovers!!! The light at the end of that tunnel is the second trimester...I felt so sexy (until I found myself crying this morning because I felt like a ball) Trust me, these hormones don't play hey. And now I'm back to feeling my sexy self, round as I am:):):)

Hurdles -----> it's an adjustment for both myself and Yellow, now that the baby bump is all out there. We are both new to this but I always say, let your concerns be heard. He was worried, 'are we not hurting baby?' 'which positions are safe?' 'are we not rocking her?'
READ PEOPLE!!! READ!!!
I believe this is the only way to put all your fears at ease. Google is but a push of a button away! Also, ask your doctor, don't be shy!!!

You can get busy up until the very last day...and best believe that it's amongst one of the best times to do so:) Also, for the guys, there's no better way to have your girl feeling sexy!!!

So put those fears aside and love each other!!!!

God-Mommy B!!!

My Godchildren 

The road to motherhood didn't start for me this year...I've been 'in the game', for lack of a better phrase, for awhile now:)

16 December 2004 my little sister was born, Byonce Beyonce Boois. Last born of four girls, she bought such joy to the house. She was delivered via C-section and then there were complications which resulted in the prolonged hospital stay of my mother. Now, it was December, and we all love and know the festive vibes of this month. And there my two sisters went...off to Swakopmund, famous holiday gathering spot for most of Namibia! It was then that I decided to stay at home and help out with this little yellow goga that warmed my heart with her mere presence. Only 16 at the time, I had no idea what to do with her, how to bath her, care or feed her. I called my aunt and asked if she wouldn't mind 'showing me the ropes.' And that was the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I cared for her like she was my own, perhaps as a result of my loss the previous year. And that's how I came to be a first time godmother!

Godmommy B

My 'second born' arrived 28 April 2007, Siani Sibongile Boniswa Mzinyati! Yet another yellow bone:) After a life-long friendship with her mommy, she asked me to do the honour and be god-mommy to her daughter. At the time I was still studying in Cape Town, so the whole thing had to be planned around my school holiday. This goga doesn't have a godfather so it's just me and her!!!!

Next in line was the arrival of my first boy...a little scorpio like me! Kaylim Taariq Panuleni Hambuda '#Khi-Khoeb' Johannes was born 02 November 2009. He came and added a little colour to my collection of babies,lol. I was also still studying in Cape Town at the time of his arrival, so again we waited for holiday time. There were even complications as the pastor and my church had different views on baptisms. His mother, 'Adamant Irma' insisted till we had to find a new church and then it was sorted, Kaylim was mine:)

Beyonce, Siani and Kaylim

 My sister, mother of my nephew always says that 'being an aunt is an extension of motherhood'...isn't she just clever?! And then we added another boy to the set. Damian-Lee Joaqium Seth Boois, born 22 February 2011...and I was there, LIVE, front row seats:):):)

The latest to my collection of babies is Lauryn Aaliya Weitz, born 01 February 2012! With her, it was just a 'love at first sight' kind of thing. She came to me and lay in my arms like we spent the past first year of her life together...when you know, you know:):):)

Children in general, I love! These select few have just made me the happiest by being in my life. They don't ask for much, and for now I don't have much to give but my love, time and affection. It's not easy, having so many, lol, I can't just walk into a shop and buy only ONE item! I have to make sure the boys are sorted and the girls are sorted, equal love! Even when I was out of the country, I tried to make it a point by calling them, making sure they knew who I was. And bless their little hearts, it doesn't take much for them to remember me and see me as that 'mommy figure' in their lives.

Spending quality time with my squad

They are all hyped about the new addition to the family. A little sister to play with:) What more can one say except 'thank you'! To the mothers, for allowing me to be part of their children's lives...attend parent-teacher meetings, be involved in important decision making processes. It really is an honour, I am proud to have been chosen!

Beyonce 

Siani

Kaylim

Damian-Lee

Lauryn

Traumatized...

The question of 'which method should I use to give birth' pops up, (no kidding), when you have to face reality and make an informed decision.
It was hardly of question to woman in the past as it was natural or nothing else...I believe in cases of extreme emergencies cesarean sections were performed? But now, in more modern ages, woman have the opportunity to choose. Elective C-section they say!

Natural VS Cesarean Section 

It also was of no question to myself, until the birth of my nephew that is, 22 February 2011, 18:15. I rushed from UNAM, skipping that last evening class I was to have so as not to miss the arrival of my sister's baby!!!

Swelled up with emotions, I stood by her side as she squeezed the life out of my hand...and soon after I arrived, it was time!

We wheeled her into the delivery room...my older sister and two aunts and the doctor all present. I ask myself, "why did i let go of her hand" countless times. Having my hand ripped off would have been better than what I was about to witness. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful...life is beautiful...but I should have remained at the other side of the bed!!!!

And there out he slipped, right before my eyes. I watched, I tried to turn away but I watched. For the next few nights I woke up in a cold sweat, that image burned into the back of my brain. And now, it's my turn!!!

Every month since I found out we're expecting, I've been playing with this question. I change my mind, one month I'm all for #TeamNaturalBirth the next I'm like having mini panic attacks, thinking to myself "I CANNOT DO THIS" *slaps self* Yes I can :D 

I am woman, as a very wise woman once said! I am the seed, the root, the giver of life. I think the rewards at the end, whichever route one goes is pure bliss...holding that little bugger in your arms. 

So in my battle to decide I hear the opinions and thoughts of others, here are a few:

Natural

It's painful (you don't say????)

It contributes more with the bonding process between you and your spawn

You get to 'tie your tummy' afterwards to help you get you old figure back sooner

It takes hours...depending from person to person of course (Irma said the WHOLE process took an hour tops for her)

C-Section 

It 'takes away' from the bonding process?! (Really? Tell me more!!!)

Post-operation pain, after the anesthesia wears off

It's quicker, no 'fuss', just snip snip and out comes baby

You get to choose the day and time (revolving around your estimated due date of course)

 

I, however, am still undecided...time does seem to be moving super fast now though? Or is it just me...we have reached 5 months, 4 to go!!!

I say, do whatever you're most comfortable with. I think you'll just know. When you know, you know right?! *shrugs*

Who Runs The World...Girls!!!

Clarissa Yvonne

The meaning of the name Clarissa is 'Clear; bright; famous! The name Yvonne means "beautiful girl"!!! Clarissa after Yellow's sister and Yvonne after my mother, both woman of substance and strength!

So I guess you guys can put 2 and 2 together??? Oh, you want me to spell it out...IT'S A GIRL!!!!

We finally got the confirmation we needed on Friday, 05 July 2013. And let me tell you something, she is a real busy body :D Seeing her again in such a short span of time is such a blessing, she melts my heart. When we first saw her she was in the position Muslims pray in, after a while she turned around, knees up and put her thumb in her mouth!!!! Even doctor said, 'haai ma sy's baie besig' :):):)

She is fine and healthy, so far so good. Her little heart is beating normally at 140 beats per minute and development is coming along well. It's amazing, I absolutely cannot wait to meet her.  

Clarissa sucking her thumb...can you see it?!

Battle of the Sexes!!!

It's a whole week before I'm suppose to find out the sex of my little one...BUT my mom was being an eager beaver, bless her soul! I get a call at work saying she got me a referral letter to go for an ultrasound!!!

I won't even lie, I was exciting about getting to see my baby a week earlier!!! How baby must of grown in the past month...
Before I get lost in daydreaming about my little one...I called Medi-Clinic right away to get an appointment. It was set for Friday morning, 8H30

Look at me stretch out my legs mommy and daddy!!!

My mind is all over the place, call it pregnancy brain or straight up hormones, I "lost" my referral letter:( Devastated that I now have to wait another 7 days to see the baby, I went into crazy mode. I searched high and low for that damn letter, the last place I remember putting it was in my diary...but as I searched and searched it was not where I left (or so I thought) sigh!
28 June 2013 - Friday morning arrived, 8H30, and still no letter. So we had to wait for that doctor to come in, which was only at 11H00 and then only could we proceed to Medi-Clinic. In the mean time, mom collapsed and was rushed to the hospital...talk about adding on to my stress. I was dying of worry for my mom and frustrated on the other hand that I lost that important piece of paper. In her state, mom still wanted to see the baby...so I still went to the ultrasound.

And there was my little baby, displayed on the black and white screen...legs stretched out to the full extent of  the home we call the uterus. Baby was lying as if on a cruise, then after a while of us 'ooooohing and aaaahing', the baby turned around as if to say 'it's enough now'! Such a little performer, kicking and crossing of legs, Beauty, my sister who was also present said she's doing yoga in there:):):) Yellow shed a young tear, it becomes so real when you see that there is a little being in there!!! The sonographer told us the sex, or at least what she can see thus far and printed out the first picture of my angel. It's love.
We rush down to mom, showed her baby's 1st picture, it was good to see her smile after the morning she had. She was more excited about the sex of the baby and the name we chose (IF the sonographer is right)

My next appointment with my doctor is this week, Friday 5th July 2013...he will then confirm the sex for us!!! So till then...stay tuned:):):):)

The Single Mom - My Hero

I often sit and find myself thinking 'what if', what if I become that single mother, what if he leaves me...leaves us? WHAT IF???

Then I look back, I look to all the single mothers I know. These are a new breed of woman I tell you. Their strength is endless, the love and courage goes beyond what any one person should go through. I look to these woman in my life and I smile. I have them, they have me.

I wonder, your heart is bleeding inside but you have the widest and happiest smile when you see your baby girl  or boy running towards you. That, my people, that is what a mothers love is made of. It asks not 'mommy can I leave you alone for 2 minutes so you can wash your face and wipe away your tears'! It is blind. Your children are oblivious because you, the strong one, only want to show them love and laughter.

The few bad species of men out there take the cake! How? How do you shove the mother of your child away and swear at her in front of your spawn? How do you take that love that the mother of your child so badly wants to share with you and throw it back in her face as if creating life together was meaningless? How do you deny your seed that is the exact replica of you? Your smile, your nose, your mouth?

That is why these day, when a man is doing what he is suppose to be doing in the first place gets praise simply for still 'being there'.

I now understand that love you have for the father of your children. It runs deep, deeper than any hole man can ever dig. He, the donor, the other 'half' of the biological make up of your baby will forever have that place in your heart.

Today I want to take time out and be grateful for the father of my unborn child. I cannot be easy being around me! I know I am not the easiest of people to be around, add some hormones to that and you have a crazy person. But I must give thanks where it is due, for the support and love that Yellow provides. Not only from him, but from single mothers everywhere!!! For the strength I draw from the mothers around me.

To you, the single mom, you are a hero!

Expecting and Working

Hello readers:)

First of all, we made it to the papers today, in more ways than one! As most know, I'm studying Media Studies, specialising in Public Relations. Instead of being home, on holiday, putting my feet up to relax...I'm doing the 8-5 thing, interning at the National Broadcasting Corporation (NBC).

So I have my heels on, my big girl handbag and I'm trying to build my name up in the corporate world. I'm not only doing this for myself, but now for the well being of my little goga!

We are 15 weeks pregnant today, by the way. Next week we officially 4 months pregnant!!!

Working while pregnant...I think this would have been harder in my 1st semester, the way I slept was no joke!  Now I'm in my second semester and I feel like I'm busrting with energy!!! I think the only thing I have to be aware of is my love for heels, I've read that during pregancy woman often lose their centre of balance. Here's what I'll do, as soon as I start to wobble when I walk...off with the heels:) #BabyComesFirst

All working and expecting mommies out there, beware when hunger strikes!!! Never thought I could eat so much...like a man does:/ Guess I've officially started eating for two! I think for me, the biggest trick is to eat a healthy hearty breakfast in the morning. Even though by 10am I'm hungry again. This is where snacks come in...here are a few that I pack to keep me going till lunch:

Carrot Sticks - healthy and filling
Fruits, mainly apples and oranges
Biscuits (Romany Creams)
NB!!! Always have water, it's so important to keep hydrated:)

One problem I've encountered is forgetting to take my vitamins! Bad I know...but here's a tip, place a reminder on your computer screen, or set an alarm on your phone. Mutli-vitamins help keep you and baby healthy and provide you with all the essentials you may not be getting from your daily diet.

Before I started working, Yellow wanted to hear nothing of it! He's a first time dad and all he does is worry about me and baba. Ladies, you have to let your man know that many woman before you have worked while pregnant, some even to the very last till day or up to the date of delivery. Ensure him that you will keep eating healthy and that both you and baby will be fine. Bless their hearts, make sure that they understand you can work and still have a healthy baby in the oven!

No holiday for me...I'll rest when baba arrives! For now, I'll stick to learning about the corporate world, one baby step at a time.

Till next time
xoxo

The good, the bad, the ugly:)

The Ugly 
 Morning Sickness

None of my girls had morning sickness...all but one! Whose tips saved me, and thank you for Google! There is no real remedy out there, however, there are things you can do to ease the queasiness and keep some food down! Here's what worked for me;

*toast bread (dry or with butter)
*party mix crackers
*tura ys/ys bompies/ice lollies ...anything cold helped!!!

Morning sickness is but one of the hurdles some of us will have to go through, hang in there ladies! Now that I'm in my second trimester all that is gone, yay me!!!

The Bad

So while most people are happy for you and you are drowning in sheer bliss, there are others out there who might make it their mission to throw in a word or two to get your spirits down. Whether it be from unsupportive family members or friends, I think the best way to deal with it is to steer clear of such folks and comfort yourself in the thoughts that in a few months you will be holding the beautiful gift of life in your hands. Find comfort in your happiness, the love you feel for your unborn should comfort and guide you to banish all the evil and bad that might come your way. It will be hard, no one ever said it will be easy...but you have to stay strong. Being in a positive state of mind and stress free is not only good for you as a mommy-to-be, but it's vital for your little light!

Life does not end with a baby on the way, I've been told I'm boring now, simply because I feel it's important to protect my unborn, in a sense that I would find appropriate to stay away from shabeens and other such rowdy places for the well being of my goga. 'Let them talk', is that not the saying? Do what you feel you have to do, by all means, let them say what they have to say!

The Good

Now that drinking, smoking and clubbing are off my list of things to do, one might wonder 'what do you keep yourself busy with?' There's tons to do...catch up on reading, hey, start a blog! Make time for your girls, gather for cooking evenings indoors, watch movies/series, go eat out at some good restaurants:) I've set a challenge for myself, I recently came across the 'Windhoek Restaurant Guide', so I decided, hey, why not?! Soon I'll be really 'eating for two' and it's fun and a great way to get out the house and do something fun! I've marked all the places I've already been to and actually had a meal at...next step, every second week I will be visiting a restaurant/café I have not been to yet! My tour should be done once I've visited all the places in the book:) Sounds yummy I know!

I started off with the Chinese Restaurant, Yang Tze, I had pork and vegetables with noodles and a spring roll! Delicious:)

So find something that interests you and have fun with it!!! This is the time to do all the things you did not really have time for before!

Well, as of next week I will be interning at the NBC...pregnant and working, more to keep me occupied!!!

Till next time xoxo

My Dancing Bean and Heartbeat:):):)

Tears of joy are so real!!!

A month after I received the news of my little goga, I was scheduled in for my very 1st ultrasound at only 8 weeks! Yellow firmly glued to my side, we walked into the doctors office together. Yellow is weird, for lack of a better word, a man's man...but at that moment, when we were about to see our baby for the first time, he was jut a ball of nerves, kind of looked like he wanted to shed a tear or two himself. Aint no shame or blame in that ladies, if it's his first baby too, imagine how overwhelmed with emotions he must be too!!!

There was our goga, but a little dot with a heartbeat, and my, does that heart beat ever so fast!!!! "Look! Did you see that", this my doctor, with so much excitement in his tone, our baby bean did a little bounce. Mommy and daddy's little dancing bean:):):) How my heart melted!!!

Our next appointment was scheduled for June 5th. In between there's going for blood tests, being poked and prodded at isn't much fun hey, especially if you are not that fond of needles, but then again, who is right??? The night before our next appointment, I get a call from mommy dearest, bless her soul, she asked if she could come with, I agreed.

If you're parents want to be supportive and take part in the on goings of the little one, I say allow them! She seems elated to be granny again!

And there the 3 of us were, myself, Yellow and mom. I must admit I felt a tad bit awkward, but we laughed it off when mom pulled out a video recorder. She wants us to get everything, well I hope not EVERYTHING recorded. Doctor was again surprised, we could hear baby kicking while we waiting to hear the heartbeat. I've decided baby likes to put on a show for us with every visit!

At our next visit we will finally find out the sex of baba!!! His/her names have been chosen already, from before baba was made:) Stay tuned as we find out next month...will we have a boy or a girl????

Baby reactions!!!

The very first people to find out about anyone's pregnancy is people that you know, love and trust! I'm not sure if it's with all cultures, but the news is only suppose to be told to those nearest and dearest till after you reach the 3 month milestone. This is due to the high miscarriage risk factor and being superstitious etc...

For me, I was of course with my Yellow and my best friend and sister, Beauty! She cried as if the news was that of her own, so happy that there will be a new addition to the family. She says 'being an aunty is an extension of motherhood!' I'm in total agreement there as her son is like my son, I love our little lion Damian-Lee like he is mine (as is the case with my 3 godchildren) and baby Lauryn who was recently added to my collection of children:) Don't I just sound like a hoarder? I was actually told that before, I love children so much I 'hoard' them, like really! Was even called 'the baby whisperer' before, my love of all beings children.

I can't say what it is about them, their innocence, that unfiltered joy? They know only of happiness, such little miracles they are.

So the reactions you get from people may differ, and the gap can be ...................................... so big! A friend of mine that I was recently reconnected with literally shed a tear of joy over the phone, heck, she made me want to cry! I could hear here jumping up and down, squealing with excitement at her place of work - imagine that!.
Another reaction was a full on 10 minute blank stare! You're in your happiest moment, that is not the reaction you're looking for. Others were filled with hugs and 'I'm so happy for you's'!!!

I think anyone who really knows me, knows how deep my love for children run.

 If you're an expecting first time mommy and have yet to tell your friends, tread with caution, not everyone will react as you imagine in your mind. Don't let it get you down, rejoice and take pride in the life you've helped create. Eventually the shock wears off and they can congratulate and be genuinely happy for you too:) Also remember, you are a tad bit more (like a zillion times more) hormonal than usual, so take it easy and don't overreact or read too much into things in the beginning.

:):):)

Mom, Dad...We're pregnant!

So I know that in this 'information age', there are various ways and means of spreading the news about one's new addition to the family.

Being a friend to many mothers before me, I've heard a few drastic ways in which their parents were informed. One of them simply sent a text!!! Hey mom, hey dad...I'm pregnant?! Hilarious:'''''D
Another one didn't actually tell them...but they kind of found out when she got admitted to hospital, I mean, what else would the doctors tell them?! I'm sure there are more quirky and more less than conventional ways out there...feel free to share!

The Friday my doctor called me to confirm the news, we were off to Mariental for 'belated' Independence Day celebrations (mind you, it's April). Little did my parents know what else they'd be celebrating! Luckily for us, Yellow's parents were on their farm too, so we decided to take a detour and tell them the news first. His parents, including both his grandmothers were overjoyed at the news, I felt more a part of the family than I already was! His dad however, told him he cannot tell my dad without him being present, one of those 'traditional' things. So now we had to set up a meeting for the Black & Yellow parents to finally meet....

So we ventured on to Mariental, and the moment I saw my mom I just had to tell her! I took her into the bedroom and it slide off my tongue so easily. She hugged me for a what seemed like a year, it was a good moment. She said 'so that's why you look more like me now, because you're going to be a mother.' I smiled, happy that the news was welcomed with positivity. I also told her about Yellow's parents wanting to meet them and tell them the news, she said she'll 'ease' my father into the news! from there onwards, we had a pretty awesome weekend, mom was fussier than usual - wear socks, keep warm, have tea- which can be expected of a grandmother:)

A week or two after that, the parents meeting took place! Yellow was a ball of nerves, he had a speech written and everything, dressed in formal wear ready to 'face' my dad and tell him the news! I held his hand under the table the whole time, his perfectly memorized speech went down well. I smiled inside all through the meeting. Our parents then pledged their support to us and our new addition to both the Boois and //Garoeb clans! They had dinner together afterwards, and told us 'you two can go now', like really!!! Two hours later they were laughing and chatting like old friends, it couldn't have gone any better.

However you decide to break the news to your parents, do it in a way that you feel comfortable with. Different people have different reactions, if it doesn't go down well, give them time to ease into it and slowly but surely they'll come round. I've seen parents go mad with fury at the news, but when they hold that little one in their hands, that fury changes to love.
I'm lucky and blessed to have the support system that I do from both my parents and his!


 

Take The Test!!!!

For those who know me, know that I'm a little bit of a party animal!!! Self proclaimed Miss Windhoek Lager, Miss Windhoek Draught, Miss Nam Breweries, Miss Beer SADC...you name it! Put simply, I LOVE beer:)

So it was to my surprise that beer made me nauseas:/ I took the a pregnancy test : negative! So I couldn't understand what was going on! Each test, each negative result was a disappointment. You smile either way, hoping one day it will be positive! So we ignored the sickness and life went on...still, very suspicious though!

It was at Spoken Word of April that I had my last glass of Windhoek Lager. After finishing it I told Yellow, that neaseating feeling is back and reverted back to a glass of cooldrink instead. The next day we bought what seemed like the 100th pregnancy test. The second line that indicates a positive result was visible although very light. Yellow immediatly went back to the pharmacy, bought another test, test # 101! same result...we were desperate for confirmation.

I called my doctor, he could only see me the next day! We were impatient, decided to look for any other doctor that could see me that very same day - big mistake! The doctor we went to did the very same urine test we did at home, and we had to pay more for it. Worse still, I didn't have my medical aid card on me so we paid cash! Things desperation does to one huh:)
Well, this doctor told us: 'it's a 50/50 chance...but INCASE you are, I also do prenatal care" !!! No confirmation there:/

We went to visit my "real" doctor who then did a blood test and said he would call me back with the results, this was more like it. There is no you are half pregnant, or 50/50! and so, we waited....24 hours seemed like an eternity. The very next day, Friday 5th April it was confirmed! Yellow and I seemed at our happiest, not knowing that even more happier moments are at every milestone of baby's growth:)

So here's my advice to those trying or who may think they are expecting: Go to a doctor that you know and trust! This will most likely also be the person who you will trust with the life of your little light.

As for me, the man who will be delivering my baby, also delivered me...in Dr Laurie I trust!!!

Thank You & Dedication

Hello readers!

Wow! That is all that I can say about the feedback I've gotten about my very first blog!!! The responses were so positive, I want to take this time to say thank you to all of you!

Before I move on to my next topic, I want to send a special dedication to all the woman who reached out to me after reading 'In The Begining'. I'm honoured that you chose me to be the first person you told your story to. I believe that is the first step...breaking the silence! It's so inspiring that there are so many woman who have gone through a similar experience, I encourage you, break the chains of silence! For years I was ashamed and scared of what people will say, how they will look at me, but now I see, it was a character building experience. The loss of a child, whether optional or an act of God, is something no woman should have to go through. This is life though, we fall, we get up, and we become stronger. So to you I say, be strong, take it one day at a time. One day you too shall be released of the burdens that come with the loss of life!

Looking forward to sharing more with you, my readers:)

I thank you