Letter to my Daddy

Dear Daddy

It's me, your baby! Remember me? You were so happy the very first day we met, I thought I did that. I thought I made you happy...

Anyway, I'm so big now, since the last time you saw me. I have teeth now daddy, look at my smile:) I'm not so little anymore daddy, I finally got the courage to walk...one step, two steps, I'm walking daddy!

Daddy, it's my first birthday. I wish you would come back to me. I'm happy but I'm sad daddy, I'm big now daddy. What did I do to make you mad?

I'm waving goodbye to mommy daddy, I'm off to school. I see the other children have dads, wonder how they managed to keep their daddy:/ Ok, school time now daddy, I pray one
day you'll come back and I can try and stretch my tiny arms as far as I can to wrap them around your neck daddy like the other kids do...

I'm in grade 1 now daddy, where are you? My shoes are shiny, I can see my face in them. I asked mommy to make my tie today, she doesn't know how. I think you'd know how to daddy, do you like to wear ties?
I'm so smart daddy, I'm the best in my class...I must have gotten it from mommy, she is smart enough to be in my life. I'm an amazing kid daddy, I think you'd love me if you knew me...

It's my first day of high school daddy. I'm kinda mad at you...why won't you help mommy, why won't you call me or see me!!!!
 Mommy says I'm perfect daddy, but how can this be? The man who made doesn't love me...

It's been 18 years now daddy, you're nothing but a memory if I didn't all but dream you up to begin with. Mommy is my daddy now, she's all you are supposed to be and so much more...

I'm still waiting for you daddy, maybe one day you'll come back to me...

Love you always daddy

Maybe one day you'll comeback to me...

I believe in a thing called love...

Do you believe in a thing called love? In a happily ever after?

That was the plan…to live happily ever after, together. As a family. So what happens when that plan all but goes to shit?! Shattered pieces of heart lying all over the place. Where do you start picking up the dozen pieces? I always say happiness begins with you. It took me a long time, to get to where I am today. To be happy with the self. To know the self. And finally, to love the self.

It took me an opening in my belly, a tiny smile, eyes as big as mine if not bigger and a presence. I’ve never seen anybody so beautiful, a beauty that brings tears of joy to my eyes as I watch her sleep ever so sweetly.

And so the picking up of the pieces begin. The mending, the healing, and finally, moving on.

The things I’ve heard come out of apparently rational human beings mouths, “the guy should move on first before the woman does”, “women should wait till the child is one years old before moving on”…in what world?! When YOU are ready, when YOU meet someone who is kind, gentle and openly loves your little one (and claims to love them as much as you do) LOL (impossible), do you retreat? The laws of love, unwritten as they are, say what about timing and who goes first?

Lovers come and lovers go. People judge, regardless of what you are doing. So you live, you pick up the pieces and move forward. Time and time again I remind myself; it’s my life, my rules, my body and my baby.

Every day, every struggle, every hardship, it’s all worth it in the end…coming home to this little body. My person. The tiny hugs and kisses, oooh my how she adores me.

I won’t always get everything right, but I can damn near try. As long as I do it my way.

So here’s to taking time to mend, to heal and finally to embracing brighter days!

May we all find inner peace, love and happiness