Of Death & Dying

How often does the thought of death cross your mind?!


The 'what if'...
What if I never get to wake another day to my daughters "it's wakey time mommy" 
What if?!
What if I never wake from that surgery, or wake from my sleep?
What if? 
Surrounded by so much life yet thoughts of death lurk at every corner...
I think about my last "first kiss"...
The warmth of his arms around me...
I think about 'what if I never feel that warmth again?!' 
What if


But what is living in the "what if"?! 
Is that to live at all?!
Happy to be surrounded by so much joy and love and laughter in my life!
My existence to this very point, my achievements, my successes...my daughter!

She is my "what if you live till your 100 years old"
What legacy do I leave behind for her
My what ifs are fears...my dreams and hopes and aspirations scare me!
Take that fear! 
Make it your driving force!
Asked so many a time why I took the leap to leave home
To choose independence
To choose life!
...it's all for you, My Clarissa, My Yvonne
I choose life, no matter how hard, in the now
Things will get better for us, that's a promise
I stand by it 
I guarantee it!

My last first kiss awaits me still...
My honours belonged to you
My dream of my masters will be ours
Everything. For us
This house is yours, what else can mommy achieve?!
I can do it all
You can do it all! 
Whatever you want, dream it to life!

Because of death and dying? 
What of it?

We live, we laugh, we conquer
And one day when mommy is no more, know that you are love and that you are loved
Forever in this heart of mine
 

Forever yours
mommy