Silver lining?

I just read my last blog...and if that was a 'pothole' I have no idea what to call the past few weeks! I am five days away from 7 months, almost reaching the third trimester!!!

I don't know if it's the culmination of hormones, the actions of those I love most around me or just everything meshed together into one big ball of a mess...
It's so hard, I never imagined that I'd feel so low in what is suppose to be 'the happiest time of my life'.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has actually been through this stage, I spoke to a friend of mine who went through similar trials. I've shared so much with my readers, let's take it a step further.

I felt lower than low and alone, like I had absolutely no one left that genuinely cares for me, or this is what it felt like for me. I know I've had the best support system ever, but when the one person that you want and need the most is not there, it feels like the world can end. That's why my respect for single mothers grows more and more each day, how do you do it??? You have to be some kind of super woman!!! So we went through what was the roughest of rough patches in our relationship yet, a true test of 'what is meant to be does not come easy'. Here we stand on the other side of all the BS and what not...eish, it's not easy!!!

I don't want to dwell on the negative so much, I'm trying to avoid all things stressful, but we are emotional beings, baby is at some point to be exposed to these feelings. But like I said before, SEEK HELP if you're drowning in these emotions!!!

Not ALL sunshine and roses!!!

So about two weeks back, I hit what seemed to be the 'pothole' of my pregnancy!!!

I was just feeling, 'bleh':/ My clothes don't fit anymore, my feet and back hurt like hell, I was just feeling lousy and round. The slightest thing set me off, I was a ball of tears...and worst off all, for the most part I had no reason AT ALL! I must admit, it was all overwhelming, that 'shit is real' type of moment!

It didn't matter how much everyone around me was telling me how beautiful I look, how well I'm carrying, how tiny my belly is for 6 months...I was just at a point where I was the fattest and ugliest person on the planet. It didn't help that someone who I used to be close with told me to my face how fat I am and how fat my nose is either...in that moment, she broke me! And I cried and I cried and I cried. If you think I'm exaggerating, ask my sisters and Yellow. It must have been hell week for them!

What I can say now is that to those who have pregnant people around them or in their lives, try to be sensitive, you have no idea what that mommy-to-be is going through at that moment in time! HELLO, of course I will gain weight, and if my nose and feet are swollen, be considerate not to point that out in such a harsh manner, especially not when you've experienced pregnancy yourself!!!

As much as it was a low point in my pregnancy, I really needed that, just to lie curled up in my bed and let all the tears out. Remember though, your emotional state is also transferred to the baby. So if this manic moment in time lasts longer than it's suppose to, get some help, talk to someone or seek professional help!

I'm back to my normally cheery self:):):) removed myself from negative people that are insensitive and just surround myself with friends and family that care for me. Also, I've fallen in love with my baby bump...although I can't wait to get back to my normal regular size again (tae bo galore) !!!

To all those telling me how I beautiful I look and how sexy my tummy is, thank you! It means more than you know:) So proud I stand, baby bump and all:):):):)

Intimacy ... or into me I see!!!

So.....let's talk about sex baby! (after all, that is what got us here in the first place:)

The trying is the 'fun' part...so they say! Trying is stressful!!! All those failed pregnancy tests...every month hoping you're 'late'. At some point you even start to imagine symptoms, 'my boobs are bigger! I've gained so much weight! I feel naar:/'

But eventually, there's light at the end of the tunnel. A tests shows those two lines you've so desperately been waiting to see!!! Now what?!

For me, the first three months were not so ayoba! We experienced morning sickness, so that kinda leaves one feeling 'not so sexy'. But there are other ways to show how much you still love each other...get creative lovers!!! The light at the end of that tunnel is the second trimester...I felt so sexy (until I found myself crying this morning because I felt like a ball) Trust me, these hormones don't play hey. And now I'm back to feeling my sexy self, round as I am:):):)

Hurdles -----> it's an adjustment for both myself and Yellow, now that the baby bump is all out there. We are both new to this but I always say, let your concerns be heard. He was worried, 'are we not hurting baby?' 'which positions are safe?' 'are we not rocking her?'
READ PEOPLE!!! READ!!!
I believe this is the only way to put all your fears at ease. Google is but a push of a button away! Also, ask your doctor, don't be shy!!!

You can get busy up until the very last day...and best believe that it's amongst one of the best times to do so:) Also, for the guys, there's no better way to have your girl feeling sexy!!!

So put those fears aside and love each other!!!!

God-Mommy B!!!

My Godchildren 

The road to motherhood didn't start for me this year...I've been 'in the game', for lack of a better phrase, for awhile now:)

16 December 2004 my little sister was born, Byonce Beyonce Boois. Last born of four girls, she bought such joy to the house. She was delivered via C-section and then there were complications which resulted in the prolonged hospital stay of my mother. Now, it was December, and we all love and know the festive vibes of this month. And there my two sisters went...off to Swakopmund, famous holiday gathering spot for most of Namibia! It was then that I decided to stay at home and help out with this little yellow goga that warmed my heart with her mere presence. Only 16 at the time, I had no idea what to do with her, how to bath her, care or feed her. I called my aunt and asked if she wouldn't mind 'showing me the ropes.' And that was the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I cared for her like she was my own, perhaps as a result of my loss the previous year. And that's how I came to be a first time godmother!

Godmommy B

My 'second born' arrived 28 April 2007, Siani Sibongile Boniswa Mzinyati! Yet another yellow bone:) After a life-long friendship with her mommy, she asked me to do the honour and be god-mommy to her daughter. At the time I was still studying in Cape Town, so the whole thing had to be planned around my school holiday. This goga doesn't have a godfather so it's just me and her!!!!

Next in line was the arrival of my first boy...a little scorpio like me! Kaylim Taariq Panuleni Hambuda '#Khi-Khoeb' Johannes was born 02 November 2009. He came and added a little colour to my collection of babies,lol. I was also still studying in Cape Town at the time of his arrival, so again we waited for holiday time. There were even complications as the pastor and my church had different views on baptisms. His mother, 'Adamant Irma' insisted till we had to find a new church and then it was sorted, Kaylim was mine:)

Beyonce, Siani and Kaylim

 My sister, mother of my nephew always says that 'being an aunt is an extension of motherhood'...isn't she just clever?! And then we added another boy to the set. Damian-Lee Joaqium Seth Boois, born 22 February 2011...and I was there, LIVE, front row seats:):):)

The latest to my collection of babies is Lauryn Aaliya Weitz, born 01 February 2012! With her, it was just a 'love at first sight' kind of thing. She came to me and lay in my arms like we spent the past first year of her life together...when you know, you know:):):)

Children in general, I love! These select few have just made me the happiest by being in my life. They don't ask for much, and for now I don't have much to give but my love, time and affection. It's not easy, having so many, lol, I can't just walk into a shop and buy only ONE item! I have to make sure the boys are sorted and the girls are sorted, equal love! Even when I was out of the country, I tried to make it a point by calling them, making sure they knew who I was. And bless their little hearts, it doesn't take much for them to remember me and see me as that 'mommy figure' in their lives.

Spending quality time with my squad

They are all hyped about the new addition to the family. A little sister to play with:) What more can one say except 'thank you'! To the mothers, for allowing me to be part of their children's lives...attend parent-teacher meetings, be involved in important decision making processes. It really is an honour, I am proud to have been chosen!

Beyonce 

Siani

Kaylim

Damian-Lee

Lauryn

Traumatized...

The question of 'which method should I use to give birth' pops up, (no kidding), when you have to face reality and make an informed decision.
It was hardly of question to woman in the past as it was natural or nothing else...I believe in cases of extreme emergencies cesarean sections were performed? But now, in more modern ages, woman have the opportunity to choose. Elective C-section they say!

Natural VS Cesarean Section 

It also was of no question to myself, until the birth of my nephew that is, 22 February 2011, 18:15. I rushed from UNAM, skipping that last evening class I was to have so as not to miss the arrival of my sister's baby!!!

Swelled up with emotions, I stood by her side as she squeezed the life out of my hand...and soon after I arrived, it was time!

We wheeled her into the delivery room...my older sister and two aunts and the doctor all present. I ask myself, "why did i let go of her hand" countless times. Having my hand ripped off would have been better than what I was about to witness. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful...life is beautiful...but I should have remained at the other side of the bed!!!!

And there out he slipped, right before my eyes. I watched, I tried to turn away but I watched. For the next few nights I woke up in a cold sweat, that image burned into the back of my brain. And now, it's my turn!!!

Every month since I found out we're expecting, I've been playing with this question. I change my mind, one month I'm all for #TeamNaturalBirth the next I'm like having mini panic attacks, thinking to myself "I CANNOT DO THIS" *slaps self* Yes I can :D 

I am woman, as a very wise woman once said! I am the seed, the root, the giver of life. I think the rewards at the end, whichever route one goes is pure bliss...holding that little bugger in your arms. 

So in my battle to decide I hear the opinions and thoughts of others, here are a few:

Natural

It's painful (you don't say????)

It contributes more with the bonding process between you and your spawn

You get to 'tie your tummy' afterwards to help you get you old figure back sooner

It takes hours...depending from person to person of course (Irma said the WHOLE process took an hour tops for her)

C-Section 

It 'takes away' from the bonding process?! (Really? Tell me more!!!)

Post-operation pain, after the anesthesia wears off

It's quicker, no 'fuss', just snip snip and out comes baby

You get to choose the day and time (revolving around your estimated due date of course)

 

I, however, am still undecided...time does seem to be moving super fast now though? Or is it just me...we have reached 5 months, 4 to go!!!

I say, do whatever you're most comfortable with. I think you'll just know. When you know, you know right?! *shrugs*

Who Runs The World...Girls!!!

Clarissa Yvonne

The meaning of the name Clarissa is 'Clear; bright; famous! The name Yvonne means "beautiful girl"!!! Clarissa after Yellow's sister and Yvonne after my mother, both woman of substance and strength!

So I guess you guys can put 2 and 2 together??? Oh, you want me to spell it out...IT'S A GIRL!!!!

We finally got the confirmation we needed on Friday, 05 July 2013. And let me tell you something, she is a real busy body :D Seeing her again in such a short span of time is such a blessing, she melts my heart. When we first saw her she was in the position Muslims pray in, after a while she turned around, knees up and put her thumb in her mouth!!!! Even doctor said, 'haai ma sy's baie besig' :):):)

She is fine and healthy, so far so good. Her little heart is beating normally at 140 beats per minute and development is coming along well. It's amazing, I absolutely cannot wait to meet her.  

Clarissa sucking her thumb...can you see it?!

Battle of the Sexes!!!

It's a whole week before I'm suppose to find out the sex of my little one...BUT my mom was being an eager beaver, bless her soul! I get a call at work saying she got me a referral letter to go for an ultrasound!!!

I won't even lie, I was exciting about getting to see my baby a week earlier!!! How baby must of grown in the past month...
Before I get lost in daydreaming about my little one...I called Medi-Clinic right away to get an appointment. It was set for Friday morning, 8H30

Look at me stretch out my legs mommy and daddy!!!

My mind is all over the place, call it pregnancy brain or straight up hormones, I "lost" my referral letter:( Devastated that I now have to wait another 7 days to see the baby, I went into crazy mode. I searched high and low for that damn letter, the last place I remember putting it was in my diary...but as I searched and searched it was not where I left (or so I thought) sigh!
28 June 2013 - Friday morning arrived, 8H30, and still no letter. So we had to wait for that doctor to come in, which was only at 11H00 and then only could we proceed to Medi-Clinic. In the mean time, mom collapsed and was rushed to the hospital...talk about adding on to my stress. I was dying of worry for my mom and frustrated on the other hand that I lost that important piece of paper. In her state, mom still wanted to see the baby...so I still went to the ultrasound.

And there was my little baby, displayed on the black and white screen...legs stretched out to the full extent of  the home we call the uterus. Baby was lying as if on a cruise, then after a while of us 'ooooohing and aaaahing', the baby turned around as if to say 'it's enough now'! Such a little performer, kicking and crossing of legs, Beauty, my sister who was also present said she's doing yoga in there:):):) Yellow shed a young tear, it becomes so real when you see that there is a little being in there!!! The sonographer told us the sex, or at least what she can see thus far and printed out the first picture of my angel. It's love.
We rush down to mom, showed her baby's 1st picture, it was good to see her smile after the morning she had. She was more excited about the sex of the baby and the name we chose (IF the sonographer is right)

My next appointment with my doctor is this week, Friday 5th July 2013...he will then confirm the sex for us!!! So till then...stay tuned:):):):)